Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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