I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
