Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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