Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
