My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize