Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
