before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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