Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
