She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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