i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
