Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Text me some of your sweat
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
