There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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