I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize