Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
