Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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