I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I touched a dick in church today
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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