I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
