I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
