Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So vagazzling was a success
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
