The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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