I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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