I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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