I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
