Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
