Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
