My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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