her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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