Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
