I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
