she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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