I could have mohawked her pubes.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
