Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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