you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
