You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize