yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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