Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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