there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
