Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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