I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The ass gains better be worth it
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