I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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