worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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