Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
