You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just invented taco cereal.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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