the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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