i just had sex bonerless
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
