so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is Oprah even human
pray to the hookup gods
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
