It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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