I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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