its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize