I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
