Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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