I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
