I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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