We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
