the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
