I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
