we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
