Me too!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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