I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
