im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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