I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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