there's paper in my vomit.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
