found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
