next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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