she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
