The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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